"You can't outrun your way of thinking."

Well, I was listening to Fugazi's 13 Songs album while running today. The song "And the Same" has a line that goes "This is a bullet you can't outrun.../Your way of thinking..." Or that's how the lyrics seem to be written. But I always do this thing in my head with lyrics where I try to match up which clauses are really supposed to go together. Because you know how sometimes in a song, two lines will run together, and you just wonder which ones are supposed to go together and which ones are separate? Anyway, the intention seems to be "this is a bullet you can't outrun," but then what is "your way of thinking" just doing out there by itself? So I like to think it means both "This is a bullet you can't outrun" and "You can't outrun your way of thinking."

...Wow are you still here? I don't think I would have put up with nonsense writing like that myself. MY POINT is just that I like hearing lines about running while I'm running. Actually Fugazi has a song called "Long Distance Runner" too... haha!

Okay seriously though. I was just in the right kind of mood today I guess, because when I turned on 13 Songs I just started running and I tuned out of it listening to the music. I don't know how many laps I did. I think I came close to a mile without getting exhausted. I knowwww I was doing so much better before. Running indoors just seems more taxing. But hey, running is running. And progress will come. There's so much going on with work and school and friends that working out is becoming something I do just to stay active, and is getting less goal oriented. If I felt capable of taking on and sticking to a challenge, I probably would.

I feel sort of like this is a big blog about how I set goals and then revise them to fit my comfort level so that they're not too inconvenient. But hey, life is life. I'm still at it, at least. I know for sure that my improved circulation from running is keeping me MUCH warmer in the winter, even later that day or the next day. I used to always be cold. So see, there IS some improvement! I'm not dropping out.

Well. I'm Embarrassed.

Oh. Hi there. Didn't see you for TWO MONTHS. Ughhhh. I failed. The end of the quarter rolled around and I just... yeah. I went to the gym in November and maybe like.. once in December? And then I went to Indonesia and went on the treadmilll once for like 20 minutes. And now I'm back and school's starting up and I started to wonder why I feel so lazy... UGH. I really felt justified in letting it go at the end of the quarter, because I really was overwhelmed. But then over break I didn't keep up, and I could say I felt justified not exercising in Indonesia, except there was a treadmill and stationary bike and weights RIGHT IN THE HOUSE. So I just fail.

But I'm back. Really. The second day of school I went to the gym, then took a day to rest and be sore, then was still sore on Friday and went to the gym again, and now I'm still sore from both of those combined days. And I love it. I'm happy. Part of the motivation problem is that the Rec Center, where I'm sequestered until this terrible thing called winter lets up, is on the other side of campus from me. In the summer I could leave my house and begin a jog right outside my door. But as I had mentioned in previous posts, I don't have Under Armour or the money for it, and there's currently a couple inches of snow on the ground. I'm not a winter person. I also hate our indoor track (see also: I feel like a betta fish in a glass running around this tiny little thing) but I'm not sold on treadmills. I run differently on them, because, well, I'm trying not to fall off. I also get WILDLY dizzy upon dismounting. Sooo I've been doing things like the stair machines and the silly ellipticals, and the thing that I DO like about going to the Rec, the weights. I don't do weights if I'm just jogging around outside. So that gives me a chance to work out my arms and develop different muscles in my legs, which incidentlally became complete TWIGS while I was off not working out. Working to fix that now. At least I've got 6 months to get a "beach body" right?? Never mind that I'll need an interview body more than a beach body in six months... Wait, what's an interview body? Whatever.

SO ANYWAY. It's my great hope you'll hear more from me now. I'm also taking fewer classes, so I really have no excuse not to work out. It's built into my schedule three times a week at the moment. Hopefully I can figure out how best to run indoors, since more than just generally working out, my interest DOES lie in running. I've lost most of my progress and am easily winded and super discouraged about it. Maybe I'll jump on the Couch to 5K program? Who knows.